Wednesday, April 21, 2010

...sigh....

Thank you guys for your advice. And it might not be what I wanted to hear but its definitely something I guess I needed to hear. Its just really hard because I do like him sooo much! And he tells me he likes me too but idk.....I was suppossed to see him tonight but his party didn't go down and I texted him and he didn't text me back so idk....

The first night it was only about sex. But he started saying how much he's liked me for so long and all this stuff and I felt a really good connection with him and it just made me fall for him. And I tend to get attached easily. So it couldn't be just about sex. And he never talks about anything in the bedroom. I guess its not to easy for him to talk about idk....

I need to find someone who I can talk to and be with all the time. And I'm the type of person who would love to spoil someone. Take them out, buy them things and just be with them. Like after all that happened with N all I wanted to do is be with C just to be with him. Not sex necissarily just to be with him and hang out.

So about N. He's definitely someone I need to distance myself from. Because I know if I was in the same situation as I was this weekend the same thing would happen to me because I can't control myself because in a weird way I do like him. And I can be hurt and mad at him for what he did but its so hard for me to get over someone and I know that I would let him do that to me again.

That night I spent with him just cuddling and holding each other got to me waaay to much! I enjoyed it soo much and I just felt like I was so loved and I didn't feel so lonely. And then the next day I just felt like I got punched and soooo lonely! I realized I don't have anybody special to just hold on to when I need them.

I was hoping C could become that person but I have doubts on that unfortunetly which is soo hard for me to say because I'm not a negative person I'm always the one to think positive. But I just have felt really down in the dumps the past few days. I couldn't even focus on work today because I was in a different state of mind.

But I know a few people who have people they want to set me up with haha. And I know from now on I need to keep my guard up and not be so open to falling for someone.

And its so hard for me to because I like sex. And if a cute guy is hitting on me I'm gonna let it happen and then maybe fall for them and then get hurt but idk....I'm gonna start trying really hard.

But thank you all for the advice. And if you haven't read my posts from yesterday please read and let me know what you think please :-)

Xoxo!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

venting time

ok so a while ago i met this guy N who i liked right off the bat. he was cute, funny, fun and i just all around liked him. he gave me his number and we were kinda texting and i would text him pretty much everyday and we would talk a little bit you know and then one night i got a little drunk and told him i wanted to have sex with him. and i felt like it got kinda awkward and we didnt text as much and now we barely text ever! and so this weekend....i came over to my friend A's house for a party and he was here and we were all hanging out ad then me and N started making out and then we were just making out the whole night lol. it was nice because i liked him a lot before. so i thought i was gonna get some but it didnt work out that way but thats ok!! we ended up cuddling on the couch and falling asleep here and there watching a movie and everytime he would wake up he would kiss me a little and make out with me it was a really nice night.

so then the next day which was technically yesterday (monday) we were hanging out in the morning and i had to go to work and so he asked me to stay with him and miss work...soo the stupid person that i am...called in sick...well we were having a pretty good day and then we heard from one of his old "best friends" he hasnt seen in a year or so....whos suppossedly straight and has a girlfriend who i met!

so once his friend got there he kinda started ignoring me a little bit. and i was like ok him and his friend are catching up you know no big. so then we were watching a movie and he was all over this guy....like he was on me the night before. and i was like...ok....and i was a little confused and so he just ignored me the rest of the night and then they went to bed together....i dont know for sure if they did anthing but the way they were acting it was obvious something was gonna happen...it just makes me really mad....and i was really upset earlier because it was just so rude i think....and i dont know exactly why i care so much but....i do. so at the moment im hating him....

oh ya and my friend K was here partying with us on sunday night when we were making out and she told me he told her he was just teasing me so i can want him and he wouldnt do anything with me......she doesnt like him in the first place so idk if he really said that but im pretty sure he did. but i just dont know what to do...

but anyways just thought id vent that out a little bit lol.

dont forget to read my post below this one to give me some advice please it would be very much appreciated!!



and p.s. ill try and keep you guys updating within the next few days on these situations im gonna try and get at least a little bit of sleep now.....thank you guys!!!!

uugghh stupid boys

ok so i know i said i was gonna try and post more often but i really havent been able to because i got a job and its full time and i just ever have any time to blog. but now its like almost 5 am and i am at my friends house using her computer so i thought id blog because i need some serious advice and just need to vent.


ok so i need advice first. so my friend S has this friend C who is really cute and ive met him a few times before and we kinda hit it off a little bit but last time i saw him was when he had boyfriend. so one night i was out clubbing and it was really lame so we ended up leaving early and right when i was leaving S calls me saying shes at C's house and he wants to hook up with me. so at this point it had been 3 months since i had sex so i was wanting it. so i went over there. so we were hanging out he was really really drunk and we were talking and he kept saying how he really liked me before and how when he broke up with his bf he was too nervous to text me because supossedly i was too cute for him lol. so i dont know if that was the alcohol making him say stupid stuff or if he was really feeling that way. so we ended up having sex and it was amazing!!! like absolutly amazing! and we just totally connected i felt anyways and then i really started to like him. so we kinda texted a bit after that and then i kept trying to hang out with him but when i was free he was busy and vice versa so it took us 3 weeks to finally see each other which was last weekend. and we got to have sex again and it was still really good. but so now the thing im worried about is....he hasnt really been texting me since then. see the first time we hooked up he blacked out and didnt really remember anything but the second time he remembered everything soooo im worried that now that he remembers he doesnt like me anymore because idk maybe i wasnt that good or idk...lol

but!!! there is a chance i might get to see him tomorrow night after work...well tonight....and so hopefully i can put all my paranoid fears behind me. but well see. i want to know what you guys think? i really like him and would love to end up maybe having a relationship with him. so i wanna know if he feels the same way about me as i do about him.

so what do you guys think about him not texting me after? for two days i didnt hear anything from him. i even texted him first and no reply.... so i just wanna know what you guys may think....