update...

Hey guys, I know I haven't blogged in a while but I've just been so busy. Work is taking up all my time by the time I get home all I wanna do is sleep. Haven't been able to get my computer yet but hopefully soon. So I'm still doing everything on my phone, which slows me down...a lot lol.

So let's see where I left off. Me and C are over turns out he strung me along and when he decided I wasn't good enough he went to someone else. The thing is...if he would have just told me he wanted to have sex and then move on...I would have been ok with that. But no he kept telling me how much he liked me and he could see us working out long term. Which got my hopes up because I really liked him and then I found out he started seeing someone else. Super depressing but oh well. I'm kinda pretty much over it now. Took 2 months but whatevs lol.

And then there's N. It was his birthday a few weeks ago and I decided to go over there you know hang out. It was his birthday I wanted to be a good friend. K flipped out on me saying how I blew her off and how I chose him over her and blah blah. It actually turned out to be a good night. It was just me, N, and another friend (my ride) and me and N ended up cuddling of course lol. Then my friend decides she wants to leave. She was my ride so I had to go with her. Which sucked cause I was not ready to leave yet. So while were waiting for her to get ready he pulls me aside and just starts making out with me and it was soooo nice. I really really didn't want to leave him. See the thing is I've had a thing for N forever! Like seriously the longest time. And I still do. So we were leaving and he walked us outside I gave him a hug and my friend him a hug and he was giving me this weird look...so I gave him a hug and then kissed him goodbye it was cute. So that was a good night and then I went over to another friends house to party. And plus another boy I like is there lol. So I hung out with him all night but I wasn't all over him like I usually am. I was texting N the whole night lol. But me and this other guy H almost hooked up once....

Cinco de mayo, me and H were really getting close that night we ended up sleeping in the same bed. He was naked lol (cause apparently he doesn't sleep with clothes on which is funny cause I've seen him sleep with clothes on before lol) so we were laying there talking and I was playing with his hair and we were getting really close we already made out by this time. We were making out like the whole night. So we started getting into it started touching each other it was hot lol and then....he passed out lol right in the middle of it. He was so drunk though I'm surprised he was awake for that long lol.

So anyways that's another boy I like right now. But the thing is H likes girls too. And my friend from work is his best friend and they've hooked up.....he pretty much lives there. So it would be hard for me to have a relationship with H knowing that. Id be so scared that he would do something bad. Lol and plus he drinks like a fish. Seriously but he's gorgeous! And he's super nice and funny. So maybe just hookup buddies would work lol. But knowing me I would get attached and end up being hurt at the end lol. That's just how I am.

I'm the type of person that gets attatched very easily. I fall for someone almost immediatly. I mean look at me and N all we've done is made out and cuddling and would do anything to be with him. I guess maybe its because I'm so new at all this dating, and boys, and sex. I don't know how to handle it all quite yet. But I think ill get there.

I just know I really want someone special. Someone who wants to hang out with me all the time. Someone who texts me and I get so happy I can't control my facial expression. I want that so bad. Someone who surprises me by doing something amazing out of the blue. I'm totally ready for that one person to come into my life and make it a whole lot better. I wanna know what its like to really like someone and have them like you back. That amazing feeling you get when you can't stop talking about them, or looking at a picturee of them, or your mind is constantly on that person. I'm completely ready to have that.

Well I guess I've vented enough for today. Hopefully ill step it up and be able to blog more often. I really do enjoy it. It let's me get a lot of things off my chest. =)

Xoxo
-Superstar