...sigh....

Thank you guys for your advice. And it might not be what I wanted to hear but its definitely something I guess I needed to hear. Its just really hard because I do like him sooo much! And he tells me he likes me too but idk.....I was suppossed to see him tonight but his party didn't go down and I texted him and he didn't text me back so idk....

The first night it was only about sex. But he started saying how much he's liked me for so long and all this stuff and I felt a really good connection with him and it just made me fall for him. And I tend to get attached easily. So it couldn't be just about sex. And he never talks about anything in the bedroom. I guess its not to easy for him to talk about idk....

I need to find someone who I can talk to and be with all the time. And I'm the type of person who would love to spoil someone. Take them out, buy them things and just be with them. Like after all that happened with N all I wanted to do is be with C just to be with him. Not sex necissarily just to be with him and hang out.

So about N. He's definitely someone I need to distance myself from. Because I know if I was in the same situation as I was this weekend the same thing would happen to me because I can't control myself because in a weird way I do like him. And I can be hurt and mad at him for what he did but its so hard for me to get over someone and I know that I would let him do that to me again.

That night I spent with him just cuddling and holding each other got to me waaay to much! I enjoyed it soo much and I just felt like I was so loved and I didn't feel so lonely. And then the next day I just felt like I got punched and soooo lonely! I realized I don't have anybody special to just hold on to when I need them.

I was hoping C could become that person but I have doubts on that unfortunetly which is soo hard for me to say because I'm not a negative person I'm always the one to think positive. But I just have felt really down in the dumps the past few days. I couldn't even focus on work today because I was in a different state of mind.

But I know a few people who have people they want to set me up with haha. And I know from now on I need to keep my guard up and not be so open to falling for someone.

And its so hard for me to because I like sex. And if a cute guy is hitting on me I'm gonna let it happen and then maybe fall for them and then get hurt but idk....I'm gonna start trying really hard.

But thank you all for the advice. And if you haven't read my posts from yesterday please read and let me know what you think please :-)

Xoxo!