long over due update lol

ok so last post was about the pride festival being the next day. well yes the pride festival happened and it was awesome!!! had so much fun got a bunch of free stuff and lots of condoms they were giving them out like crazy lol. which is good. but the main reason i had so much fun was because i saw N it was awesome i really like him so much, so he was volunteering there and so throughout the day i would take him water or just see him and say hi and it was nice. then he left from volunteering early to come hang out with me and a friend i was with. and that was super fun. everyone thought we were dating lol and it was so funny lol after a while he stopped correcting people lol. i didnt care i was like heck ya lets just say were dating lol. anyways after the festival was over he asked if i wanted to have a sleepover. of course i did!!!! lol i wasnt sure if i was going to sleep with him that night but i was freaking out in my head thinking of all the stuff i would need to do before having sex you know the basics. shower, shave things like that. but luckily we didnt hook up. and yes i do say good thing.

see the thing is as much as i need to have sex right now. with N i dont want to sleep with him yet. i want to take what we have or what we could possibly have slow. i dont want to rush into things like with C. that was horrible. but with N everyone is telling me be careful with him and its making me worried. im already scared and worried about the whole thing.

but anyways i spent the night at his house and all we did was make out and we made out a lot and i really liked that. he is an amazing kisser. and then we cuddled it was awesome. then the next day we just spent the day at his house and then it was getting kinda later and he didnt want me to leave but he didnt want to be at his house so we went to my house and he spent the night again. we didnt sleep at all!! it was horrible lol we didnt have sex we just stayed up. that was nice too then we spent monday together and it was just amazing

then the week went by and i was missing him a lot. then yesterday we were going to go shopping and then to dinner with some work friends of mine and then back to my house for another sleepover =) we slept more than we did last time. he downloading some things on his computer just for me. hes so sweet. and im pretty sure my mom saw us kissing lol oh well i dont care but it was still funny lol. my mom was hanging out with us kinda all night we got smashed and it was just a whole lot of fun. i was all over him though. in front of my mom. i didnt care lol i was hugging him and putting my head on his shoulder and then we cuddled on the bed it was awesome. i really like him so much ive been spending so much time with him and hes just amazing. but one of my friends whos known him for a long time told me to be careful with him because hes not the boyfriend type. he keeps a boyfriend for about a week and then its over. im just thinking, i love how shes looking out for me but i dont want to hear that i dont want my bubble to be burst because i do like him so much.

it was so cute today because for his birthday i told him i was going to give him 20 bucks for his birthday and i never did so he asked about it. he wanted his 20 dollar birthday present so he could buy my present and get me a card....isnt that cute!! omg i like him so much...its gross how much i like him. i talk about him all the time. hes always on my mind. and i just want to talk to him forever and never stop!

but im scared....really scared. i dont want to get hurt by him. i dont want to sleep with him and him decide thats all he wanted and move on. i really really dont want that at all. i want to sleep with him and actually be with him. with C he slept with me a few times and that was it. and that would have been cool if he didnt tell me how much he liked me and how he wanted a relationship with me and then go see someone else. sorry still a tad bit bitter about that situation lol.

also ive been gooing through this depression mode lately where it has just been really bad...then i start talking to N a lot more and i am doing a lot better. im not drinking so much because im not so lonely. so im hoping this works out for the best.

hes so cute too!! omg!! and the thing i really like is he hasnt tried to sleep with me. which could mean two things. 1. he wants to take it slow and doesnt want to ruin it like i do. or 2. he thinks of me as just a friend who he makes out with occasionally. but soo many people have told me that he wouldnt make out or hang out with me as much as he does if he didnt like me more than a friend.

hes so hard to read i dont know what hes thinking half the time. and he talks about the most random stuff just to cover up what hes really thinking. but i dont know what hes thinking. its so hard to read him.

but one day we were at his house after the pride festival and he was sitting on top of me facing me and we were making out and he looks at me and he goes "sorry if you can feel my boner on your chest kissing really turns me on" i dont think i felt it but i had a boner too and i said it really turns me on too and we kept kissing but no sex....which again is good!! i dont want to sleep with him yet.

another thing that sucks is i cant talk to K about it because shes just so bias and doesnt believe hes not the type of person she thinks he is. and shes my best friend and i cant tell her anything about him without her giving me bad advice.

but anyways i better stop typing. i get into a groove and i cant stop lol i love to type. and i know this is already long and your probably tired of reading. ill continue soon.


xoxo
superstar